I'm gonna have a badass scar
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
