your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
found the other keg... it's in the tree
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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