u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
