even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
