You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
