i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
