You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
