even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
