I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Randomize
