so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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