ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
