Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
