Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
