I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
