either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize