My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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