shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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