Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My breath smells like gin and sadness
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
