i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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