I showed him my bush... on skype.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
