He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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