He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I could make wine with my vomit
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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