Screwed.edu
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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