so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize