Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
