I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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