cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
