I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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