I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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