what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
