He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
