I feel like abortions should bother me more
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
All I want is dick and wine.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
