we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
