I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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