well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
