Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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