If that was your dad, he is hot
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
