He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
