I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
