You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
