Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Farmville is her only friend.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
