Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
