the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So many bounce houses so little time
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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