at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
