I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
