so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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