jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize