did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
