i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
