So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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