my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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