I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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