she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
