Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
