so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
