I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
