My friends, they love my intelligence
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
