so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
