I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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