Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
