Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
