What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he thought i was a dude.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
