Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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